Letting go and becoming: romantic relationships
It’s been a long time since I wrote my last article. But now is the time to begin again. A recent conversation inspired me to write about letting go and becoming who you are- specifically in relation to romantic relationships:
“You don’t have to name your lovers; you don’t have to name the cities that you’ll move to. You don’t have to figure that out. You just have to find the feeling place of what you’re looking for. And the Universe will lead you right there. And when you get there, you’ll say, ‘oh yeah, you’re exactly what I meant.’” Abraham
There are many sad songs written about the pain and heartbreak of love. But there’s something not quite right about this- as love and ‘heartbreak’ are about as far apart emotionally as you can get. Pain and love are opposites; love feels incredible and love is not dependent on what anyone else does. When you feel any kind of pain, it feels like something has gone wrong- and it has. The pain means that you are thinking thoughts which do not become you. And you have the choice to gently reach for better feeling thoughts (Even though sometimes it may not feel like you have such a choice).
The amount of songs out there describing the agony of missing someone is testament to just how confused people have got. Then there’s the soap operas and movies and other media which trains us into thoughts of how emotionally devastating relationships can be. In a world that values what is outside of us, and often the negative, this is not surprising. But it doesn’t have to be that way for you. Romantic relationships don’t need to hurt.
I remember meeting someone from Australia who I thought was just incredible and was in the UK for just a short visit. After our time was over, I found myself moving from the pure feelings of appreciation and love to thoughts of longing and missing. Despite my best intentions and despite what this person felt for me, I found myself ‘head over heels’ and was left feeling unloved and upset. Then I remembered, with a smile, a quote I once heard Marianne Williamson saying: If a train doesn’t stop, it’s not your train. And this is so true.
Our job is not trying to control the train, but rather to relax in an attitude of trust- allowing life to unfold in the wonderful way it is meant to for us. We are supposed to have a wonderful life and the perfect person for us will be there for us, with no stress or worrying or work needed from us.
And at that moment, I had a choice: I could reach for the sad songs and despair about what had gone wrong- or I could appreciate my memories of the experience and realise that all was well in this perfectly balanced Universe.
Everything is unfolding perfectly and Life is always on my side.
We often grab on to things; we try to hold on thinking that this particularly place or person or thing is the source of our happiness. But nothing outside of us is the source of our happiness. The material world is a reflection of our thoughts and it is like water; fluid and flowing; we cannot hold onto it. And holding onto it causes us pain.
Trust- All is a blessing in disguise
Do you believe that Life is on your side? If you did- you wouldn’t waste too much time on ‘what should have been, would have been or could have been’ because you know that everything is working out perfectly, despite your current perception. You think that (s)he shouldn’t have left you? Well, yes he should… Because he did. And in this perfectly balanced Universe, everything that happens, should happen. And it is not happening to you, it is happening for you; it’s all for your greater good.
Why is it that in hindsight we always look back and see that those painful events were a blessing in disguise? I am suggesting that we get to that attitude as quickly as possible.
Of course, give yourself a break. Accept where you are and try to relax into the feeling. Whatever you are feeling is ok. I am not suggesting that you can immediately quantum leap into absolute joy- but it will be quicker and easier than you perhaps think.
Surrender
“Don’t force anything. Let life be a deep let go.” Eilleen Caddy
The best thing we can do is to find a way to surrender. Or, as many people say: ‘Let go and let God’. In this attitude, we will meet with the perfect people, places and things, experiences and careers, wellbeing and exciting adventures and wonderful opportunities that have been arranged for us. As the wonderful quote from Abraham expresses which opens this article, there’s nothing for us to figure out or select from or fixate upon. It’s just a gentle relax into the knowing that all is well; it’s about loosening up and giving up our struggle knowing that everything is working out for us.
If you are missing anyone or feeling lonely or not good enough remember that you are not the only one who has ever felt this way. Many of us have experienced what you are experiencing and have come through it. This too shall pass. The brightest sunrise always follows the darkest night and it is the same with whatever pain you may go through: In those moments of pain, you are sending out powerful requests for improvement and with the slightest distraction and relaxation, you will move into the Vortex (please see the previous article) and your life will be all the better thanks to this contrasting experience. You can do it. You are loved. All is well.