For us to truly let go and begin relinquishing our control, we must have trust in a power beyond ourselves. This is not to deny our own power- for this power is part of us; it is our higher self. Some call this energy guardian angel- others speak of spirit guides. Some trust in the saints or the ascended masters. How we choose to communicate with this energy is not important; but to know it exists is vital for us to let go. Otherwise we may fear that our life will fall apart with no one running it. You are loved and you are constantly guided; letting go allows you to get in touch with this intuition; your gut feeling. Letting go lets in the assistance- because there is a whole host of Universal forces to help you out in life. And it is in your relaxing, releasing and letting go that you allow this help in.

For those of us who are very logical or analytical or strong-willed, I suggest asking more often for help through prayer. Prayer is simply handing you wants and desires over to the Divine, be it relationships, prosperity of all kinds or healing. It is ok to ask for what you want- You are not alone and you do not have to struggle alone. Ask- and then let go knowing that ‘it is done’. Ask and let go. Ask and then relax and release

I let go. I give up the struggle. I surrender. I allow. I trust that Life in on my side and everything is working out for me. I let go knowing that ‘it is done’.

When I realised that I didn’t have to run life all on my own, a huge weight dropped off me. My taking responsibility for everyone and everything (which of course was not working) fell away, only to be replaced by a grounding sense of peace and trust. Wonderful solutions appeared in my life in ways I had previously not conceived of. The vastness of the Universe far exceeds my limited thinking and it is reassuring to know this! This is how I live my life now. Constantly relaxing, releasing and letting go; less controlling and less trying to figure things out. Often, what I once perceived as a problem is revealed to be a blessing in disguise. Life is truly amazing- and so simple- when you get out of the way and allow it to be.

I know the Universe is sorting everything out for me. I know that life is on my side. I know that everything is always working out for me.

So how do we let go? For many of us who have made struggle a part of our lives, letting go can be a new skill to practice. The first step is to be willing to let go. Battling with thoughts will get us nowhere- and we will simply activate these thoughts even more so. You cannot erase a thought by wrestling it to the ground. A gently willingness to release, thanking our thoughts for sharing with us and then allowing them to drift away is what we can do to lovingly let them go.

I am willing to release. This too shall pass. I am willing to let go and go with the flow of Life. I am willing to relax into a better feeling. I am willing to release and let go.

Listening to music, doing exercise or dancing (which increases breath flow- relaxing us and allowing our cells to be energised) are all ways we can relax, release and let go. Daily meditation is the best technique I know of to encourage a calm, allowing mind (see my previous articles on meditation). Spending time with uplifting friends or doing anything that feels good and soothes us are other ways to uplift and distract us into our feeling of relaxation. Once we have got ourselves out of the way, Life can now work on a solution.

I relax, release and let go.

Finally- and most importantly- be willing to have patience with yourself and with Life. Letting go takes everyday practice- so give Life the chance to respond. Be kind to yourself and be sure to be light and easy about it. I remember reading that in the account of Jesus, there were three full days between his crucifixion and the resurrection. Whether this is real or metaphor is irrelevant- the point being that the ‘happy outcome’ did not happen immediately. When experiencing problems, allow time for a solution to appear. Do whatever it takes in the interim to relax, release, let go and trust. I assure you that a solution will be there- often in a surprising way that you hadn’t even thought of. And in this solution, life will be even better than it has been and your faith will have increased in the process.

I used to constantly use the analytical part of my mind in my career as a journalist; finding statistics and other information, collating this, sorting that and offering my opinions. When I discovered the Law of Attraction teachings, I took this over-thinking into the realm of spiritual practice. My new questions were “Which technique do I use?” (Visualisation? Appreciation? Scripting?) “Which affirmation do I use?” (Love? Gratitude? Forgiveness?) I was ably supported by the hundreds of self help manuals out there, each packed with hundreds of different techniques. I was confused and missing the point; Life was not becoming easier or more fulfilling and I wondered why.

It has taken me time and practice to get out of my own way and learn to relax and let go. And I am still practicing. The answer to the question “what do I do?” is always the same: relax, release and let go.

I can let go and relax. I can release and let go.

Living a good-feeling life is all about relaxing and letting go, trusting all your wants will be supplied. It is about making peace with you are, knowing you can get to where you want to go. It is about having faith and releasing control. And in this release, everything you need to know will be revealed to you.

It’s going to be alright. I relax. All in good time. I release and I let go.

You really have no choice but to accept where you are and relax- because you are where you are right now and struggling will not change this. Love yourself and let go. Love others and let go. Relax and let go. What you are trying to fix won’t change instantly; and fixating on it won’t help. Where you are is where you are. Accept it, relax and go with the flow.

I can relax. I can let go. I can take a deep breath. I can trust. I can know that All is well. I can know that everything is working out and everything is going to be ok.

It’s not your job to make anything happen- that’s the job of Law of Attraction; that’s the job of God and the Angels or whatever words you use to describe the power that flows through all things.

“There’s nothing for you to do. Universal forces are in motion. Things are unfolding. Your work is to relax and allow. To RELAX and allow. To relax and allow. No matter what! No matter what. There is nothing that steps outside of that. There’s nothing more important than to relax and allow. Nothing. Not one thing, ever.” Abraham

I have counseled many people who have learnt about Law of Attraction and yet are terrified of their thoughts. And I can relate to them. They are trying so hard to figure things out that they get lost in the confusion of sorting out the correct thoughts to think. I want to repeat- your main job for this life is this: to have fun, to chill out, to relax, to do what you like doing, to go to the beach in your mind (or in reality). Let go and release into the river of life. Leave it to God to bring you uplifting thoughts. Reach for feeling better and the thoughts will sort themselves out.

I can release and let go. I can chill out. I can breathe deeply and trust. I can know that Life is on my side. There’s nothing for me to do but relax and release and know that everything is as it is and working out for the best. All is well.

There’s nothing for you to do except relax into the natural flow of Well-being knowing that everything is working out for your highest good. So breathe, relax and let go. And as you do you will feel the relief in the moment that indicates that positive change is on its way.

“This above all: to thine own self be true” William Shakespeare

Pretending to be someone different from who you really are may fool some people for a short time; but it won’t fool the Universe and it doesn’t serve you. We may do this because we think that the ‘real us’ is not good enough- but this is not true. We are not only good enough, but perfect exactly as we are.

Being true to yourself and having integrity is a wonderful gift to yourself. Integrity means ‘being whole and complete’. When you are whole and complete, you are empowered. And so keeping your word was never about keeping someone else’s rules to make them happy; It is keeping true to your own beliefs so that you can be happy. The Universe doesn’t see your ‘act’ or see the mask you hold up for the world. The Universe sees only the real you and loves you as you are. So you could bring the real you in integrity with the face that you show to other people. And your life will be a lot more successful in all ways because of it.

“I am who I am and that is that” Guru Singh

People who are true to themselves are very attractive. Think of those in the public eye that crowds go wild for; the ones we say have charisma. What do they all have in common? They are all authentic people who know who they are and are not afraid of what others think. They have integrity because they confidently speak their truth.

Our heroes are not people pleasers trying to look good or polite or nice. Our heroes are the ones who are powerfully being themselves. They mean what they say and they say what they mean. When they are angry, they show it. They do not put on a smile to impress you; they smile because they are happy. They have no need to lie, because they are unafraid of what you think anyway! That is the way we all were before we got conditioned by people who wanted us to behave a certain way. 

In my own life, for a long time I tried to hide my true self, in fear of what ‘they’ might think. For years I kept my head down, shamefully fearing the rejection of being ‘found out’. My own self-doubt and self-judgement created judgemental experiences and I was giving my power away. I was depressed and I felt like I was carrying a dark secret; as if I had done something wrong. How wonderful and empowering when I realised what I had always known; the message at the heart of all spirituality:  that I am loved exactly as I am. 

“What you think of me is none of my business” Terry Cole Whittaker

Being authentic means being open; there are no secrets and nothing is fearfully hidden. Being yourself doesn’t mean forcing your opinions on other people. You can love yourself and be who you are and allow others to be as they are (no matter what they think of you).

I suggest if someone asks you why you are this, that or the other all you need to calmly say to them is: “Because I am who I am and that is that”. You owe no other person an explanation or justification of who you are. You are loved by the Creator, exactly as you are. In fact the core of your being is love and nothing that you can do can disconnect from that love.

Perhaps it is about time you emerged from the shadows and admitted to yourself and the world how perfect, whole and complete you are, as you are.

It has been said that the body is a temple- and there is nothing wrong with wanting to look and feel at your best. In fact, taking care of your body in all ways is nothing less than a spiritual act of self-love.  

Looking in the mirror in the chance of catching an image of yourself you will like is not creating your own reality. Neither is waiting for someone to speak a compliment about your physical appearance before you can feel good about yourself.

Empowerment about your physical body is deciding that you’re beautiful regardless of what the mirror or other people suggest. It is then that, almost as a by-product, the mirror (and other people) will begin to reflect back your feeling of beauty. Many of us try to ‘fix’ our bodies in order to get the appreciation but this is back-to-front thinking. Haven’t you noticed those moments of feeling so good that you just look absolutely great and don’t even see those things you once thought needed to change?! It’s all about perception. And when you are perceiving beauty, beauty will expand in your experience in amazing ways. 

Self-acceptance means you stop resisting or pushing against what is not wanted. Some people think that, for example, if you are overweight and accept it- you will be a happy, overweight person. But this is not the way it works. Getting in there and grabbing the bull by the horns and trying to ‘sort the issue out’ only keeps you stuck there. Relaxing and reaching for any thoughts that bring you into happiness- because of your desire to be slim- will mean you will be on the way to being slim.

If you think about it, you have two choices whatever the situation is: to accept where you are or not. We somehow think not accepting is saying ‘no’ to the Universe when in reality saying ‘no’ keeps what we don’t want in our experience longer.

A tip that I share with clients who are insecure about their looks is to ‘zoom out’. When looking in the mirror, see yourself as attractive ‘in outline’. If you were to zoom in on the individual features of a supermodel or sex-symbol actor you’d see a whole host of seeming flaws. And if you ask these people they’d probably agree with your observations (plus tell you a hundred more you hadn’t seen… why do you think air brushing was invented?!). So zoom out, be general and choose to feel attractive regardless of what you observe. It is the same with thoughts; zoom out and rather than trying to change your thoughts around specific physical features, be more general: I am beautiful and becoming more beautiful every day is a good start- and you will find your own better-feeling thoughts.

The irony of Law of Attraction is that when we most need a compliment or a good image in the mirror- or anything to uplift us- it is not there. It is up to us to bring ourselves into the feeling that we would get if we already had the compliment. Once we love and appreciate ourselves, so the world will reflect this straight back to us.

Attractiveness and charisma are choices- they are not some fixed qualities we’re born with! Like learning any new way of looking at ourselves, making the choice requires practice. Just remind yourself of how wonderful you are as you go along to becoming more beautiful, more charismatic and more attractive- both inside and out.

I’m sure we all know that feeling in the pit of our stomach when we haven’t been called back by a person we are involved with romantically. Or the similar feeling that comes when you wonder where he or she is and whether they are being intimate with someone else. 

We have no control in another’s experience and so it is not surprising that we feel powerless in these circumstances. And the feeling is not because we are right about what they are or aren’t doing or why. It is because who we really are, our Source energy, would never see him or her as ‘less than’. And when we do, no matter how justified we may be or how many others agree with us- we feel awful. We have disconnected from who we are and from our own good.

It has been said that resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. The stakes are simply too high to do this to ourselves anymore! In other words, it is in our best interests to always focus on things that feel good no matter what ‘they’ are doing.

Now this may appear strange- and certainly contrary to all those relationship books and articles out there determined to categorize people and label many of them ‘bad’. Whether our assumptions are right or wrong is not the point. The question that you may want to ask yourself is: “Would I rather be right or would I rather be happy?”

Rather than being a door mat, you will come into your own power and it will astound you. I know that feeling of thinking we have been ‘made a fool of’ or that we have being rejected. It is truly horrible and can reactivate old thoughts of low self worth. But when I look for my own positive aspects or anything else that makes me feel good- I begin to get my power back.

We are human- and it is probably going to happen that we will go in and out of moments of rage and anger and blame, and that is alright. In fact, this can be an essential step to reclaiming our power.

I remember Louise Hay suggesting that jealousy was just another form of insecurity; not feeling good enough about ourselves. And she’s right. If we were to feel fabulous and gorgeous and an absolute catch, then we wouldn’t feel jealous. After all, if any one deceived us we would then instantly know that it had nothing to do with us anyway. And even the initial feeling of them being a fool for not recognizing our absolute amazingness is a more fun and far higher feeling than one of being worthless. So perhaps it is time to truly begin to realise how fantastic you are.

A final point is that when someone leaves our experience abruptly, it often means they are nowhere near a match to our desires. In other words, the Universe is doing us a favour and saving us from the potential unpleasantness of being with a mismatched lover.

Suggestions of positive aspects about you

I’m a really great person. I’m very attractive and interesting. I have a great smile. I have sparkling eyes. I’m absolutely gorgeous.  I’m great fun to be with and a real catch.  How fortunate for someone to attract me and spend time with me. How wonderful for them to enjoy my company! I have nothing to worry about when it comes to a partner. I do not have to worry or fuss or adapt myself to fit into someone else’s picture of what they want. There’s only one me and the perfect person for me will know this instantly. There are no hoops to jump through or ways to fix myself to impress-I just have to be myself. And I love being me. How amazing that I’m me! How fantastic that this opportunity has allowed me to realise more clearly what I want.

If you are not feeling better after going through your positive aspects, reach for any better thoughts about anything to distract yourself into a better feeling place. Take a gym class, spend time with uplifting friends, read something uplifting, pamper yourself, get a makeover- all the while keeping a lookout for your own positive aspects. This is a great opportunity to ‘springboard’ from the experience into something truly wonderful. It may take a few days, it may take a few weeks. Be willing to feel a little better and Life will assist you. I know- I have been there and this process works.

In this pain, you have asked for your perfect relationship and it is there waiting for you. It is closer to you than ever before. As you move into your power, you will feel appreciative of the lover who seemingly caused you so much pain.

And in this good feeling, the lover you have always wanted and who has always wanted you will rendezvous with you in the perfect time.

Unlike a finished piece of art- be it a sculpture or a painting- you are never finished. You are constantly becoming and constantly changing. So no matter where you are now- you can move to anywhere or anything you want. Life can and will get better. And the joy you are looking for is in the journey.

In every moment we have a choice- to choose a thought that feels a bit better or a thought that feels a bit worse. We are constantly moving and ever changing. If it doesn’t feel like much is changing in your life, it means that things are changing- but they’re changing to the same thing.
Thought habits can be initially compelling, but we can gradually change them. A willingness to want to feel good is an excellent place to start.

I know that horrid feeling of judging myself as “permanently stuck” when things weren’t going well. I would also worry about where my life was heading and what might happen. The truth is there is nothing permanently stuck or fixed. Wherever we are is the perfect place to begin moving from, to wherever we want to be. Sometimes we may begin our changes instantly and other times we may need some time before we change, and that’s ok too.

“You are always molding yourselves into a better feeling place. And you will never get it done. It will never be completely finished. It will never be absolutely right. You will always have some dominant thoughts that are not a vibrational match to the newfound desire. But that is always what your work is. And it’s time for you to just begin relaxing about it, and not make it a personal issue of your own valor, or your own value, or your own integrity. In other words, it’s just, how many times have I thought this thought?” Abraham

Your physical body is not finished. It doesn’t matter how unpopular you were in high school or even yesterday. You can begin to journey along to the perfect well being, youthful and beautiful looks anytime you choose. Your relationship status or job situation is not fixed either, regardless of where it is now. Nothing is fixed. Isn’t that relaxing to hear? Even if you “mess up your life” (in your words) - you can always get it back on track. And the life experience in this temporary detour is hugely beneficial, as it has created a fantastic possibility for you, far greater than if you hadn’t. 

We are a work in progress on an eternal journey. Rather than see our life as a list of goals always a little out of reach, if we focus on being a constantly unfolding masterpiece and accept ourselves right here and right now, life is more satisfying and more fun.

If you can begin to realise that there is nothing more important than that you feel good-  and insist on reaching for feelings of relief, understanding that Life is on your side and you haven’t got to do it all today- you will allow the well being of life to take you over like a huge wave washing over you.

Using a guided visualisation can be an effective way to focus the mind and balance the body. It can also be a good way to learn how to meditate, being easier than going immediately into silence. Doing a guided visualitation means to follow a short script to gently focus the mind whilst in a relaxed state. I would like to share a current favourite, which I find to be both rejuvenating and good-feeling.

Read through the words below and take whatever appeals to you into your own practice. You may even want to record yourself reading these words and play them back as you begin. These words serve as a guide for you to create your own images and are the perfect way to enter into a silent meditation. After you are ‘in’ the visualisation, you can stay in the silence for as long as you feel comfortable. 

Sit on a cushion or in a comfortable chair in a room where you can be away from distractions for at least fifteen minutes. You can set a timer for however long you decide. Close your eyes and then begin…

The golden healing room

You begin walking down a stone spiral staircase. The staircase is well lit and welcoming; ferns and plants grow across the castle-like walls by the sides of you. The humid scent of plants and earthy nature fills the air. You reach the base of the steps and see an oak door in front of you. You push the door and walk into a peaceful, silent and inviting room. This is your own private sanctuary.

The walls and the ceiling have been painted in various shades of gold. Clear quartz crystals are attached to the ceiling by silver cords, like raindrops. A large red cushion is on the floor, which you walk towards and sit upon. You sink into the comfort of the cushion beneath you. It feels wonderful.

As you relax and close your eyes, golden rays emanate from the walls, the ceiling and the floor and bathe your body in warm golden light. Sunbeams radiate through the large windows, adding to the rejuvenating beams of golden light. You feel your body relax as you sink deeper into the soft cushion.

The sunbeams and the golden rays catch the crystals and shimmer rainbow light across the room and across your body. A gentle breeze blows through the window and causes the crystals to sway and ring together like windchimes.

Relax in the golden energy as it fills the room and bathes your body. Relax and focus on this golden light energy. Let go of thoughts as you focus on the golden light… 

When you are ready, feeling refreshed and relaxed, see yourself standing and leaving the golden sanctuary prepared for another time. You walk out the room and up the spiral staircase and out into the world beyond, ready for new uplifting experiences.

Whenever you want, you can sit down, close your eyes and- in your mind’s eye- descend the inviting stone staircase and return to your golden healing room.

I discussed meditation in a blog a few weeks ago. It is such a life-changing yet misunderstood practice that I want to explore the subject further.

“Refuse to let go and you are a person drowning; the more you struggle, the faster you sink.” George Ohsawa

Meditation allows you to let go of the struggle with unwanted negative thoughts. Regular practice will not only allow you peace in the moment, but it will literally re-condition your mind to be less inclined to hold on to negativity. It is also the perfect preparation for doing positive affirmations.

When you have a problem, there is a temptation to focus on it and talk endlessly to others about it in the hope of finding a solution. This is the way many of us have become used to dealing with the issues in our lives. But this doesn’t work. Because of the powerful Law of Attraction, focusing on what you don’t want simply summons more of the same.

What does work is to turn you attention on to something else that makes you feel good. However, switching your attention from what feels like a problem to a good-feeling subject can be difficult. Meditation is a good tool to distract yourself into a better feeling. The process stops thought and allow your natural feeling of well-being to return. Solutions to problems will come to you, often in surprising ways.

There are so many different opinions on what is the best way to meditate: chant this mantra, focus on that symbol, hold a certain posture, sit in a chair, sit cross-legged, listen to music, sit in silence… With all these mixed ideas of which one is ‘the best’ it is clear to me that there is much confusion! You will be guided to the perfect meditation technique for you.

Meditation for me simply means silencing the chatter of the mind. I started off using repetitive, non-intrusive background music (you can get this kind of music from the New Age section in bookshops) and setting a timer for 20 minutes. In the beginning, I felt restless and a little bored. But I sat there until the time was up.  

After many weeks of meditating every morning, I reached the place of what I call an Inner Bliss; a sort of nurturing void where I had stopped thinking for a few moments.

Meditation requires committed practice and it can be easy to just give up or ‘miss a day or two’. It has been said that it takes 30 days to form a new habit, so keep on going!

The more often you meditate, the easier it will be to return to that place of inner stillness and the easier your life will become.  

We may have been criticised by parents or teachers in the early part of our lives and often this becomes our own habit which affects us even today. We end up thinking we are not good enough or there is something wrong with us and many areas of our life can suffer. 

But all ‘that stuff’ happened to us a long time ago- and it is over. Now, it is us who has the choice of how to treat ourselves. Today is a new moment and we can begin to change the way we think- and begin to love ourselves. Now is the perfect moment to commit to change.

Fortunately, negative life experience brings with it huge benefits. The experience allows us to become far more focused, expanded and potential-filled. That is why you hear many true stories of people who were brought up in poverty yet become incredibly wealthy, or people who come from abuse and end up surrounded by so much love. Negative events can be a springboard to a fantastic life. It doesn’t have to trap us with a “this is the way things are” attitude. Painful childhoods can lead to a life of expanded insight rather than bitterness and we can take the experience, leaving the painful memories far behind.

Those old childhood thought habits may try to drag you back and you may find it challenging to keep up with doing your affirmations. You may be thinking “what’s the use?” and want to give up.

A new habit takes time to establish. As I said in my last blog, manifesting your desires is not an immediate two-step process; it is a new lifestyle choice and requires a commitment to change rather than a ‘so-so’ approach.

Like beginning any new routine- we go a little forward and then a little back. We may stumble, but we get back up and move on; We keep going!

You are loved and you are supported. Today is a new day and it is nice to know that anytime you want you can begin the commitment to change your life for the better. All will be well be on your journey.

There are teachings out there that tell you that if you close your eyes, think of a Ferrari and then open your eyes, it will be there.

Technically, this is along the right lines. But manifestation is not wishful thinking. And although working with the Law of Attraction is simple in theory it is not always easy in practice.

Discipline, work and effort seem to be banned words in certain sections of the get-rich-quick ‘create your own reality’ community.

Movies like The Secret are wonderful introductions to the Law of Attraction, but they are just baby steps and the absolute tip of the iceberg. Simply knowing about the Law of Attraction and thinking ‘what a nice idea’ will do nothing to change your world.

Creation is not as ‘fast food’ as taking two quick steps to a sportscar or a soulmate or a multi-million pound bank account. Instead, it is more like a hundred consistent steps to get to our destination and requires a real shift in mindset. It doesn’t have to be a long, laborious journey- but getting on-track does require effort. (And, I have to add here, life is not about manifestation anyway. It is about the joy-filled journey to the manifestation.)

The thing that unites champion athletes or A-list movie stars or anyone at the top of their game is disciplined focus.  They have all practiced their minds into believing they are the best at their craft; they have ‘done the mental work’ required to create their own reality.

It took me a long time to realise that to ‘let go and let God’ was not about sitting back and doing nothing. If many of us were to just sit back and do nothing we’d go back to our own (often negative) thought habits rather than flow to all that we want. It takes effort to let go of those oars and flow with the stream of life; it takes, as Abraham says, a consistent reaching for a thought that feels better.

Further ideas can be found in my first book, The Power of Feeling Good, which offers powerful ideas to help you move from theory to daily practice. And thanks to Caroline Myss for inspiring the title of this week’s blog!